10 Things I Learned Being Single
10 things I learned being single. This is going to be fun!
Most people associate the word “single” with being alone and it often has sort of a negative connotation to it. When I became single (a hot minute ago), I too thought that being single would be hard and somewhat lonely. It ended up being the exact opposite experience and was the best thing that could have happened for me personally at that time. I think a lot of people feel the way I did at first. I watch as people hop from relationship to relationship, scared to be alone and not really giving themselves time to spend with themselves or grow from their last relationship. Of course we all have our own plans and dreams for the future that do include being in a relationship, but how you choose to embrace your time or period of “singleness” is apart of that journey and matters!
When I became single, I knew that I wanted to wait for the right time, the right person, and right place in my life to enter into a relationship again. I wanted time for myself to grow and become the woman I wanted to be - on my own. I have had so much personal growth during this chapter of my life and enjoyed having that time for myself! If you are single, I want to encourage you and give you some “words of wisdom” from people who have been there. I also wanted to write this for those of you who are in relationship and can use this to reflect on your own experiences!
So what did I do? I asked my closest friends (married, dating, and single) to send me things they learned or are still learning during their single years. What else did I do? Your girl took it to Instagram! yes, I did! If you follow my stories, then you know how much this topic got a response out of people! Both men and women responded and turns we all have things in common when it comes to this topic.
Now, for the top 10 things that I have learned…
Self Love and Acceptance. There are so many things that I mean by this. I don’t just mean liking the person that you are or the way you look. I mean really loving yourself, the way you would for another person. The relationship that you have with yourself is just as important as your relationship with someone else. My sister once told me that acceptance is the first part of self love and I believe that. Being able to prioritize things that are healthy for your mind, body, and soul are ways that self love can come into play when you are single. One of my best friends mentioned this as well, saying “I no longer fear the thought of being alone because I know that I can hold my own and I enjoy life simply being me”. Be you.
Don’t fear the pressures of settling. Hasn’t your mom ever told you don’t do things just because everyone else is doing it? People who get married usually do it for the right reasons. However, society has created pressure on millennials to have a life check-off list. We have created a ticking clock for ourselves to have certain things done by a certain time in our lives. Our parents most likely experienced these pressures from their own parents but we on the other hand experience the pressure from each other…and yes maybe our parents too! lol But everywhere we turn we see engagements, weddings, and babies on our feeds and Pinterest boards. My advice is stay in your lane and trust the timing of your own life. Which leads me to my next point that…
Everyone’s path is different. I have friends that are around my age that are already married, engaged, pregnant, or are already parents. Just because I am not at that point in my own journey, does not take away my excitement for them during these seasons of their lives. I think that it is important to remember that everyone’s journey is different and unique. If you are a single parent or experienced a divorce- this goes for you too! Trust the timing of your life.
Your time is valuable. I need one of those megaphone emoji’s for this one lol Your time is valuable and this goes for relationships of any kind. No time for nonsense at this point (okurrrr). This is actually something that one of my best friends brought up and said it perfectly, “I learned that my time is valuable and it should be spent with people and on experiences that make me happy and contribute to me becoming a better person”. Can I get an amen?!
You are whole on your own. “Your partner should be your equal” as one of my friends told me. This means that you both enter the relationship being whole on your own. Two whole’s that compliment one another vs two halves that need each other to be whole. When you are whole on your own, you create your own happiness and have a sense of individuality. So many of you responded on IG with that same response…you learned that you yourself can create your own happiness without relying on anyone else to do that for you.
Be your biggest fan. I mean it! I do not mean that in a cocky way either. But you absolutely need to believe in yourself first. If I didn’t learn that, I wouldn’t have had the confidence to start this blog. Knowing that you are capable of pursuing your dreams is a powerful thing. Is there a project that you have always wanted to start? Or a business you have always wanted to have? You don’t need anyone else to give you that confidence- and if you do, here it is- me. lol
Self growth. Use this as a time for self growth and becoming a better you. I had so many people respond to me on Instagram saying that this was a huge time of growth for them. Whether that be growth in their career, faith, self-love, or overall well-being. Two responses even said that by growing and knowing yourself more, they became better partners later on.
Trusting God with my relationships. For me, my time of singleness has brought me closer to God. Having time to reflect and look back made me realize that even though I have always trusted Him with my life, I did things MY way for a long time... most of that being because I was young and super stubborn. I had an “aha” moment when I asked myself; How was it that I trusted God with my whole heart but I struggled to surrender and honor Him with my relationships? I did some soul searching during this time and as I started to dive more and more into the word, my mindset on relationships in general changed. I completely trust and know that He has a much better plan for me than I could ever imagine. The same goes for YOU. (Note to self: When God closes a door- stop trying to open that S%*#)
Don’t be afraid to date. After being in a long-term relationship there are two types of reactions post break-up: 1) You jump into dating and realize later it was way too soon OR 2) do the opposite and wait it out for awhile because the thought of putting yourself out there again makes you want to puke. Take your pick! haha. Something I learned is that its okay to push yourself outside of your comfort zone! Meet good people, have fun, and don’t think too much. Until you meet someone you really like- then you will absolutely think too much!
Create a life you love. It’s a common trend to hear people say “once I have this…..I will be happy”, or “successful”, or whatever the case may be. But that mentality totally sucks. We are fully capable of creating the life we want and love now. Find activities that make you happy or try something new. I went to a cycling class and ended up loving it (shout out to my peeps at Soul Cycle). This became one of my favorite things to do and if I never had said yes to that initial class I wouldn’t have known how much I loved it. Same goes for making time for friends and family. Make more time to do things that make you happy and feeling fulfilled. Enjoy the good in your life and don’t be afraid to try new/positive things for yourself!